


There's Always a Slight Hum

by doyouknowEngrish



Category: Fighter - Monsta X (Music Video), Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Daddy Kink, Depression, Hitting Rock bottom, M/M, a bit of changkyun/hoseok, but it didn't turn out like that, but next chapter is gonna be changkyun/everyone so don't worry, changkyun is sad during the first part of this, changkyun/kihyun based, changkyun/ot7 will happen, don't skip bc of how many tags there are, fast paced, it's mostly changkyun/kihyun, just slight angst, look - Freeform, mention of medication, no drug use, not anything too bad, pet name fetish, this was supposed to be an ot7 fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 13:59:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11945730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doyouknowEngrish/pseuds/doyouknowEngrish
Summary: Changkyun felt lost as to why he found himself wanting to get babied. To why he wanted the attention on himself and not on Jooheon. He wanted to be called cute and be loved on by his hyung's. He wanted to get treated like the maknae, Not like he was unbreakable and didn't have feelings and didn't need to be babied and cared for. He also didn't understand why he liked the idea of calling his hyung's 'daddy.'





	There's Always a Slight Hum

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Just (Kid)ding Around](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9568091) by [codepink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/codepink/pseuds/codepink). 



It wasn't fair. It just simply wasn't. Changkyun didn't understand his pure need for affection. Affection. No, affection didn't cut it. His need to be babied and taken care of like a child seemed nearly infantile, to him at least. The looks Jooheon got from his hyung's, so full of love and raw with emotion, shouldn't bother him. He shouldn't want all attention on himself, to get showered with something that seemed currently intangible to him.

  
Confusion was always lacing his features, no matter what he was actually feeling inside. It wasn't a strong sense of puzzlement, just enough to always get his gears turning. Based upon all the variety shows the group had been on, and even him alone, his most common facial expression was somewhere between an angry -or his resting face but whatever floats their boat- and a confused look. He wasn't denying it, but he wasn't accepting it with open arms either.

  
Being like Jooheon was damn near impossible for him. How does one so openly do aegyo and get so many _loving_ looks? Whenever he did anything even remotely similar to the 'goo goo gaga' routine Jooheon always did, he would get laughed at or a disgusted face. It just seemed impossible. Love and affection are something that almost seemed promised with the title of 'maknae,' but it was something he felt he wasn't receiving.

  
Maybe it was all in his head, yes, but the fact that he felt like it wasn't just a simple _feeling_ showed something was wrong. Possibly very wrong. Changkyun was the type to need constant validation, although he would never admit it to anyone, much less himself. All his members were willing to provide, but there was somewhat a blockage in his mind that was whispering in his ear at a near constant pace.

  
_"They're just pretending, Changkyun. They don't love you as_ _much as they love Jooheon. They're just pretending, Chang-"_

  
\---

Kihyun was motherly, everyone knew it. Nagging about this, nagging about that. Getting the boys up on time and making them take showers, cooking their food and pushing them out the door to keep their schedules straightened. More nagging. More taking care of the members' health because they're _clearly_ unable to do it themselves. It never bothered him though, taking care of them. It made him feel like he was needed.

  
Positive qualities were strewn all over the dorm, and another to add to Kihyun's long list was that he was both understanding and caring. If you needed something, you go to Kihyun. Changkyun promised himself he wouldn't go to anyone. That he would bottle it up and pretend like nothing was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was wr-

  
"Changkyun, are you okay baby?" One of the things that pleased the younger was pet names. Ever since he had grinned when Hoseok had called him 'angel' that one time back in late April, the other's seemed to catch on and it became a permanent part of their dialect.

  
_They're just pretending, Changkyun._

  
The maknae looked up at a hovering Kihyun, knowing that he could sense something wrong. Practice had ended just moments earlier.- _Was it moments? Or was it minutes? Could it be hours?_ -Jooheon had been paid as much attention too as ever. It shouldn't even phase him anymore. He wished it didn't mess with his mind and make him want to cry. To scream at them and claim his title as their youngest. He could lie to the group's mother. Shake his head in a simple 'no,' and that would be the end of it. Kihyun knew, along with the others, not to keep pushing with a subject Changkyun didn't want to. They had learned that the second full conversation they had had together.

  
No. Mercy days made Changkyun's stomach turn. Even the word 'mercy' was ruined for him, to say the least. He slimly remembered the blood-curdling scream he let out at one point. Looking around with hooded eyes and finding each of their own, wide and red ringed. Months were taken to get over that one night, Kihyun there to aid him the whole way. Jooheon was the first to warm up to the small boy- at the time -, Kihyun had been the second.

  
Images of Kihyun holding him while he sobbed flooded his vision suddenly, with such force that he became nauseated and self-conscious all at once. Those feelings, the thoughts that muddled his brain, were what made him shake his head sharply and whisper -more mumble- out a quick 'no;' and Kihyun automatically understood that _'no, no he's not okay.'_

  
_They don't love you as much as they love Jooheon._

  
Knees appeared in his vision, or what part of it wasn't beginning to be filled up with tears. Sturdy arms wrapped around his middle and he instantly relaxed into the touch, knowing that _'it's just Kihyun, he's going to help you.'_ No words were exchanged at first, breathing audible but nothing else. It seemed almost amusing. How simply a year or two prior the two hated had each other- or the elder hated Changkyun -and now they're wrapped up in each other and Changkyun was sobbing into his hyung's arms just like before. It made him feel so fucking _small_. Or it did until Kihyun broke the silence with nothing more than reassurances. "You're okay baby boy, I'm here. We're here."

  
_They're just pretending, Changkyun._

  
"All of us love you so much, you know you can talk to us. We'll always be here for you, no matter what happens."

  
_They don't love you as much as they love Jooheon._

  
"Your feelings are not invalid and you are allowed to express yourself however you see fit. If the vision involves us, we will help you. We're not pretending to love you, we sincerely want you to be happy. You're our maknae after all."

  
For the first time in months, Changkyun didn't hear it. He didn't feel the voice that was always in the back of his mind, seeming to be nestled somewhere under his eardrum. After so long it became a hum, something he could tune out when it wasn't bad. Other times he couldn't hear anything but it and the blood rushing in his ears. Times like that scared him. But now, right now, he couldn't hear anything but _Kihyun_.

  
-

  
Kihyun ended up having to live up to his nickname that night, "da-eomma" slipping out from between their maknae's lips in nothing more than a hushed whisper. He didn't push to ask what Changkyun was going to say, almost sure that he already knew without the younger having to tell him. Thinking and knowing for sure were two different things though, and Kihyun was going to wait until the boy was ready before he questioned him about anything.

  
He lifted the brunette up in his arms unsteadily, Hoseok and Jooheon had been pushing him to work out recently - _most likely not for this, but what happens, happens_ \- and it was seeming to be to his advantage. Wobbly legs made their way across the practice room floor, a small Changkyun wrapped into the elder's arms and his head stuffed into the crook of his neck. Allowing the older to carry him was a challenge in itself, he almost automatically demanded to be let down, but he didn't. He didn't.

  
Changkyun took a deep intake of air, basking in Kihyun's scent. Mint and lavender seemed to dance together in his senses, the smell of gram crackers lacing itself in there somewhere and making his nose tingle. The voice was still gone, and he felt relieved that he was getting a break. There was no telling when it would be back, so he had to take what he was being given.

  
\---

  
Morning wasn't as awkward as the youngest figured it would be. He walked into the kitchen after everyone but the group's own personal sloth, having showered and wet brown locks making his neck and ears damp. Seeing a mop of pink hair to the left of the door seal, standing in front of the stove and finishing off breakfast, he stepped forward and nudged his way against the elder's side.

  
Startled, Kihyun looked over at the younger's brown hair, clearly still wet and making a water stain appear on his shoulder. He quickly shooed the boy off before he got his shirt completely soaked, turning back to cooking because he could hear the eggs popping, but not before giving Changkyun a small, loving smile. Or what he hoped was one.

  
Upon waking up, Changkyun had expected the quiet voice to be back, even at a mere whisper. Usually, he can feel it, if it's being extra quiet. Like a mouse. Extra quiet. Extra. This time was different though, he couldn't hear or feel anything. It was an odd feeling, not having anything telling you that you're less than someone. Odd enough that he kind of liked it. He liked it a lot.

  
Loving it enough to where Changkyun noticed it, yes. Although he had always been given these types of looks, Kihyun's small smile - _oh so small, Changkyun_ \- had been enough to send him over the moon. It made him feel even better than not hearing the constant hum in the back of his head did. Right under his ear drum, always, always, humming.

  
What was it? A finger couldn't be placed on it exactly, no matter how hard he tried. Comparing it to the feeling that made the most sense in this situation was just being okay. Thinking that it was possible made him so incredibly sad. Had it really been so long since he had felt okay that he couldn't even recognize it? No, no, there was no way. It was so _sim-_

  
"Changkyun? Changkyun honey, are you okay?" ' _Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey._ ' The word played on repeat in his head and he smiled brightly, nodding enthusiastically at his hyung. "Alright, good. Can you go get a plate for me to put these eggs on? I made them a bit too cheesy but it'll be okay, Hoseok hyung like his extra cheesy anyway. I just don't think that's good for his diet, he's been working so hard..." Kihyun continued to talk but Changkyun tuned him out as he grabbed what he wanted from the cabinet, never stopping the smile from spreading on his face and the satisfying drone of his hyung's voice in the back putting him in a relaxed state.

  
\---

  
It was almost a month before the voice came back. Exhausted he was. Exhausted he had been. The blockade in his head had begun to grow a week into feeling okay. Kihyun had managed to knock it down, but the other five had accidentally started building it back up. Their episode of 'ASC' really got to him though _(they need to go back on Weekly Idol or ASC soon I stg)_ , Jooheon being asked to do aegyo at least three times and him being pointed out in the corner by one of the fans about how unhappy he looked.

  
The mother of the group gave him a concerned look before glancing back over to the screen in front of them when Kevin read out a tweet directed towards him. Changkyun took this time of isolation to think. Being alone was something that wasn't occurring on the outside, but the inside. He felt like a discussion plot for a junior high student, trying to work out the problem one thought at a time. Problem. Thoughts. Work out.

  
Work out. Work _out_. _Work out. Work out. He needed to get it worked out._

  
The air felt crisp on his neck as his eyes widened, it being a good 78 degrees in the room but chill bumps rising on his arms regardless. The sudden realization was something he had never experienced before, just heard about. The click of something in your head making you want to cry because you finally _understand._ And he did. He needed _help._

  
Yes, after they left the voice did come back. It came back but he only allowed it to stay for a number of minutes, an hour at the most. Realizing that you have a problem and knowing you need to reach out for help is always the first step in those cheesy "it'll get better" movies, and he had never believed it before. The exhaust always being from "working too hard," or "not sleeping enough." He finally realized that that wasn't it though. There was a reason he was constantly feeling like this, and it wasn't from being over worked or from lack of sleep.

  
_'You're going away, and you're not coming back. I'm done, I'm going to get help. Kihyun will help me. Kihyun.'_

  
_\---_

  
Getting help. Determination. Perseverance. Kihyun. Getting help.

  
"Da-H-hyung," Changkyun near whispered even though there was no one else inside the room. It seemed like a month ago again, the two staring at each other in the practice room with such intensity. The other members going back to the dorms. Kihyun asking if there was something wrong. As the events from last time played in his head _-he could see it all so clearly like he was watching a movie on their flat screen-_ he became utterly determined not to let it end like last time.

  
The pink haired male walked towards Changkyun with ease, squatting and placing his palms flat on his knees and saying softly "yes baby boy?" _Baby boy. So soothing._ The brunette -could you call it that? The color had faded into an almost ginger when the light hit his lightened brown hair correctly- smiled to himself, just a small smile, and nodded his head. Pet names not only made the boy happy but boosted his confidence up to a level that he very rarely breached.

  
Although this was hard for him, Kihyun could tell by the wrinkles lining his forehead and the twitch of his fingers every few seconds, he was willing to sit with the younger until he was ready. "C-can..." Changkyun paused for a moment, gathering himself up like he used to gather the plastic grocery bags out of the back of his mother's '04 Toyota Corolla. This time, stronger, the boy tried again. "Can we talk? I know you all have been noticing something wrong, and there has been. The looks they all give me." He paused again, only this time not out of weakness. "I don't like it. I want to fix these feelings and I just feel like you're the one I need to talk to.

  
"During the  No.Mercy days, Jooheon was the first to open up to me. He became my best friend. I'd like to believe that I go to him for some of my problems, but since this particular one somewhat involves him, I would feel wrong. You were the second. You've let me sob into you multiple times, more than I could probably remember, and I'm extremely thankful for that..." The maknae let himself trail off, not knowing exactly where he was going with this explanation. _Crinkle_. Closing his fist, Changkyun's water bottle crumpled between his fingers. It was empty anyway.

  
Gazing into the younger's face, Kihyun nodded like he understood. He had to be the one Changkyun talked to. Feeling burdened was not something he felt right then, even though it was a common occurrence in his mood board. Knowing that you are completely and utterly needed would be too much for some people, but it provided complete _relief_ for the mom of the group, crouched down almost to their youngest's height and hovering like his life depended on it. And maybe it did.

  
Seating himself completely on the floor, the elder pulled Changkyun into his lap and started running his hand through his hair, anxiously thinking about whether he was going to be able to fix this or not. Changkyun felt soothed and relieved feeling the hand slowly coax through his hair, helping him breathe. He counted to five in his head, becoming aware of every little bit of air that he let out. "Kihyun, I think it's time I tell you the full story."

  
_Changkyun, you can do this._

  
"Only if you're ready."

  
"I'd like to think I am."

  
_Are you?_

  
"Go ahead."

  
_You're going to regret this._

  
_No, no you're not._

  
"I had depression. Even when I was with Nu'Bility, I was never all there. Byung hyung really helped me a lot, but there wasn't anything that anyone could do to truly one hundred percent fix it. While I was training with them, I took medicine. Doctor Park said it would make everything better, and it did for a while! I'd like to thank him for helping me during my Nu'Bility days sometime. Then, I was notified that we were disbanding by Taehyuk hyung, he made me post on twitter that I was no longer taking part in the group. It broke me so much hyung, I didn't know what to do. My depression got worse, I hit a bottom you could say.

  
"I felt like I wasn't enough. Like it was all my fault. Medicine helped me, it did, but not enough. Then my manager notified me of _No.Mercy_ and I took the offer without hesitation. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I was getting another chance. I was only given a day or so to pack and then it was to the airport, I didn't complain though. Not when our flight was delayed. Not when I didn't get to eat or sleep for two days straight. Not when they forced me to leave my medicine behind, the only thing that ever helped me feel better. I didn't complain. Not fucking once."

  
He sniffled then, feeling the salt tracks start to wet his face. The pause was enough for Kihyun to know that this was about to get worse, but he knew the younger needed to say it, so he said nothing. "We arrived the seventh episode I believe, Giriboy hyung said you guys were nice but were really beat up about Minkyun, and I understood. I had almost debuted but was ripped away from my members within a week, I completely and utterly understood. I just didn't expect to be as isolated as I was. It was just so weird, I had never been In a room with so many people that all refused to speak to me.

  
"'Go to the living room.' I believe that was the first full, not-angry-sounding sentence that was said to me after the whole time of being there, but it still sounded so exhausted. I was scared for you hyung, really, really scared." This made Kihyun think. Think back to every single thing that they had said to him the whole time he was there. Think about how horrible they were to him. It was never his fault, none of it was. They had treated him like shit for days on end, weeks, months, and none of them figured to ever ask _'hey, how was your day?'_ or _'are you okay?'_

  
They never cared enough to look into his life. This was the first time he was hearing about Changkyun's depression and he had lived with him for well over a year. It made him want to go back and fix everything. To help their youngest through every little bump that he experienced. He was so angry with himself. "Yoonho reached out and I was very thankful, even though he didn't connect with me or anything. It was just a simple conversation. He thought I didn't understand what you were all going through, but all I could do was nod." Changkyun looked up at Kihyun, hearing the sniffles now no longer coming from just him.

  
The youngest whipped the tears that were visible but could feel more falling so he knew his effort would do no more than providing a bit of comfort for his hyung. Unable to do anything else, he looked back down at his hands and continued. "Then Jooheon reached out. I'd like to think that we connected, but I'm not sure that's what it was. Either way, it made my happy that he put forth a bit of effort. I was doing everything I could, and he was really the only one that I felt like I could talk to. Besides the words exchanged in the hallway or when I was leaving the bathroom, the ones whispered at breakfast or when we were being filmed, there was nothing. Jooheon was my escape zone for a little while.

  
"I think that's why we're best friends now. He tried to understand when no one else did, even though we didn't have any emotionally connecting conversations. We just actually conversed. Then you. That one morning when I got up too early and found you... Found you sobbing in the kitchen." Closing his eyes, Kihyun recalled the event with the little strength he had left.

  
_"Kihyun hyung," a simple whisper came behind him as he felt secure arms wrap around his middle. They were about the same height, and although the arms felt sturdy he could tell they were skinny. Skinner than any of theirs except for the newcomer. Any other time he would've pushed the younger off with a scoff and glared at him. Would've left the room with a look of disgust that would tell him that he stepped too far, but he couldn't._

  
_It all just built to be too much. Kihyun felt lost if he was to admit it to himself. They were one day away from losing two final members, then being thrown into some group that he was no longer sure about. He knew that it could very well be him leaving tomorrow, and he didn't know how he felt about it. So he let himself crumple into Changkyun's arms, let himself turn around and wrap his own too-skinny limbs around the other boy. He let himself sob into the younger's neck, and he let himself be picked up without much force, Changkyun giving him time to get out of the embrace if he truly wanted to._

  
_But he didn't. At that moment he only wanted to feel safe and like he was loved, which was being provided by the boy situated in front of him and holding him like he was all he needed. It's possible that it was all he needed, though. Changkyun had gotten little physical contact the whole time he had been there, so maybe Kihyun wasn't the only one that needed this._

  
Blinking the tears out of eyes, he could feel Changkyun looking at him again. They looked at each other for a while, before Kihyun nodded for the younger to continue, an inaudible 'I'm okay' being spoken in the pink haired boy's head. "When the final group was announced, I felt like shit. I knew, or thought, I didn't deserve to be standing on that platform, in the presence of the other six of you. Yoonho, Seokwon, Minkyun, Gunhee, Kwangji, and Yoosu all deserved to be in my place, and I could do nothing about it but stand there in shame.

  
"Before it happened, hitting rock bottom always sounded so scary. And it was, but I don't think I realized I was there until I made it into Monsta X. I couldn't hear anything for a solid ten minutes afterward, and I felt like I was going to pass out the entire night. It felt so surreal. Reliving though? No, not in the slightest. It continued to get worse after that night. Although the other members started to look at me with not completely hate-filled eyes and starting having actual conversations with me, I discovered fan sites. They all hated me, Kihyun hyung.

  
"They didn't think I was good enough. They felt I was feeding off of you all and I cheated my way into the system. I wasn't as pretty as Hyungwon, Hoseok, and Minhyuk. I couldn't rap like Jooheon. I couldn't dance like Hyunwoo, and I couldn't sing like you. I was nothing compared to you all, and it eventually took over my feelings. Negativity surrounded me at every corner and I just wasn't okay. Then, the maknae stuff started." This part was the part that Changkyun had found it hardest to mentally prepare himself for. He had been planning on telling his members about his depression for a long time now, but his want to be treated like a baby and focused on all the time seemed like such an odd request. And his daddy fascination? Kink? What even was it?

  
_They'll hate you for it._

  
_You'll be disgusting to them._

  
_You better say it if you're going to Changkyun, things will never be the same again._

  
Although the constant drone of the voice went away, his thoughts never sleep. He knew he needed to say it now or he was never going to. He just needed to get it over with. "I really don't know how to put this. You're going to think I'm disgusting, but this isn't something I can just choke down and hope I'll get over anymore." He went on without hesitation, not even stopping long enough for Kihyun to put in his input. "I want to be treated like the maknae. I want to be babied. I want to be loved and treated like a kid. Given pet names and extra skin ship. Being cooed at whenever I attempt at aegyo or called cute even when I'm not trying. That doesn't sound too bad, I guess. This next part though..." The youngest let himself trail off once again, and Kihyun immediately leaped to reassure him.

  
"No matter what you tell me, I'll support you and love you all the same. You can't change yourself, and you shouldn't want to. The other's and I will accept you with open arms. I may or may not have an idea of what you're going to say anyway." Changkyun snapped his head up with much force, a questioning gaze set on his facial features. "You want me to guess? Is that the look you're giving me at this moment? Alright, fine, okay. You want to call us daddy, don't you? Oh, oh god no. Baby, baby quit crying. It's okay, you're okay." Kihyun started to rake his fingers through the younger's tufts once more, whispering reassurances in his ear. It wasn't surprising to him, Changkyun had almost let the word slip countless times before, but he knew that this was extremely overwhelming for him and was all very new territory.

  
Conveying anything with Changkyun was always tough, and not just because he was hard-headed. Kihyun now understood him being self-conscious was to blame, and he felt so horrible because he couldn't count the number of times he had forced his opinion onto the younger with just both hands. Sobbing was an understatement, Changkyun's head buried in his neck and hands clutching Kihyun's bicep to the point of bruising. Bruising was temporary. Changkyun's scars from the past were not.

  
He was given no room to complain about anything. The boy sitting in his arms was years younger than him, and he was broken. Shattered, the type of glass that you don't see, you just feel. Painful, yet somewhat beautiful. Beautiful because the elder knew that he and the other five had the power to fix him. Maybe not make his scars go away, no, but help start healing them.

  
"You having daddy kink doesn't define you. My best friend had one when he was younger. Sometimes you grow out of it, sometimes you don't. Either way, I'll help you with it. I give you one hundred percent permission to call me 'daddy' anytime you like, and I will treat you more like the maknae that you are. More than that. I'll treat you like a baby and shower you with affection and care for you. And we can talk to the others together, okay? You're done going through things alone, I'm going to help from now on." Changkyun's crying had slowed but hadn't stopped completely, tears still falling from his eyes in a seemingly stunning fashion. _'He really never doesn't look good._ '

  
He looked up to meet his hyung's eyes, relief etched into his features. Kihyun hoped he would be seeing that a lot more often. "You mean it?" His voice was hoarse from crying so hard, but he didn't show any signs of pain so the elder wasn't completely concerned.

  
_He doesn't mean it Changkyun_.

  
"I mean it."

  
\---

  
The group had been busy with a new comeback, 'Fighter' being released and it not blowing up to the amount that they had wanted it to. 'All In' had done extremely well _-most likely because of the HyungwonXMinhyun and ChangkyunXKihyun (which Kihyun had demanded for) action but they don't talk about that-_ so it wasn't a current problem, the comeback after 'Fighter' was beautiful ( _ayyyyye_ ) anyway, so they knew they would be having busy schedules and no extra time soon enough.

  
Hoseok's new found obsession with crop tops didn't surprise Changkyun as much as it should have, it also sparked much interest. He didn't want to wear one himself, but this new discovery for Hoseok was not something he was going to complain about. First, it was chokers, them making up seventy-five percent of his jewelry collection, and now it was the loosely-cut, short shirts that showed just enough of his stomach that Changkyun never ceased to be impressed by.

  
It wasn't just Changkyun either, all of the other boys were seeming to be enjoying the newly found view. Although 'Fighter' hadn't blown up for their fans, it surely meant enough for the boys themselves. Hoseok found himself wanting to lounge in them on lazy days, and go to sleep in them, and go midnight shopping in them, and even go out in public on a completely shiny and bright day. So he did. It was a big hit with the fans, and if their manager hadn't told him to stop, then he would've continued to cross all of their fans starstruck _-not that he wasn't still going to go out in public with them on, just don't tell sunbaenim.-_

  
That wasn't the only thing that had changed since his conversation with Kihyun. He had been happier, to the point that their fans had started pointing it out, and felt so much more overall relaxed. Kihyun babied him like promised, and called him pet names or cuddled him and touched him whenever he could. The other five hadn't said anything about the newly ignited spark between the two, but they acknowledged that it was there without a doubt.

  
With much preparation and time, Changkyun knew he was ready. His mind no longer crowded over with negative thoughts after saying little thing, he no longer felt vulnerable in front of Jooheon _-he had even become involved in cooing over the boy-_ and he could now smile without feeling like it looked fake and disgusting. After pushing the voice away that last time, it hadn't comeback. Yes, Changkyun had built up his blockade once more, but this time not to keep the members out.

  
_Okay_ was now a constant feeling on his mood board, or as constant as it could be for anyone, and he had contacted Doctor Park with Kihyun's help. Everything seemed to be leveling itself back out, and it was making him so overjoyed. "Boys, Changkyun and I need to talk to you about something."

  
_No more constant negative thoughts._

  
Urgent eyes darted to Kihyun, searching for anything that could settle his stomach and make the butterflies _-something Doctor Park and him called 'anxiety'-_ go away. And he received what he was looking for. 'It's okay baby boy,' quickly mouthed before the elder turned back to the group circling around the living room floor. It was quick, but he still caught it. Changkyun was seated in the middle, Kihyun standing behind him, trying to gather the boys and will them to be quiet. The two had talked this over before, and Changkyun had said it would be better to let Kihyun take the lead and explain everything, Changkyun filling in details as they went. Answering any questions that they had, leaving the ones that didn't have a solution unanswered. It didn't seem like that bad of an idea and really wasn't, except for the sparking bubbles in his stomach.

  
_Bubble. Bubble._

  
_Just like a lava lamp. Bubble. Bubb-_

  
"Changkyun," Kihyun whispered, now seated behind him. The younger had subconsciously leaned himself back into his hyung's lap, Kihyun's legs on either side of him and giving the younger enough space to. Yes, he was scared, but who wouldn't be at a time like this? He was scared, but he knew he wasn't going to be seen as disgusting or as a disgrace. He was going to be loved all the same, even if a few of them have trouble wrapping their minds around it.

  
Nodding, the boy in Kihyun's lap let him know that he was ready to do this. No looking back now, no thinking about the conflicts and consequences after the words leave his mouth. It's time to just do it. The air in the room was still. Not uncomfortable or stuffy, just simply _still_. Slight amusement laced Changkyun's features for a mere second, thinking about how just minutes before the group was being rowdy and loud and fucking with each other and how such a tiny word from Kihyun could make them quiet and settle into their seats.

  
The observation calmed him. It showed that the boys respected the mother of the group, and Changkyun in this moment. It made him appreciate them just a little bit more if that was even possible. "Changkyun has a daddy kink and we need to start treating him like he's the maknae."

  
_They're going to think you're disgusting._

  
_Positive thoughts. Positive._

  
Jooheon choked on the cracker he was munching on, Hyungwon patting his back without sparing him a glance, eyes locked on the younger. Changkyun suddenly felt smaller than he had felt in months, and it scared him. _Breaking. Shattering. Glass. Disgusting. Breaking. Shatteri-_

  
Determination filled the youngest's gaze, and the group then knew that he wasn't going to back away from this. It was happening here and now. "What's a daddy kink?" Minhyuk broke the silence with a sincere tilt to his head, seeming only a hair confused. Changkyun then realized that this was his sexuality being outed as well, but he was too far in to back out now.

  
Kihyun sighed out a laugh, smiling when he realized the group wasn't going to say anything negative. His front had been good, he had seemed confident with his choice of words and trusting of the others, but even the most sure-of-themselves people second guess. "He basically wants to be taken care of. Treated like you would a child. We treat Jooheon like the baby of the group, even though Changkyun is the maknae. We haven't been very good hyungs to him at all." Eyes widened as realization hit the rest of them this time, they weren't very good hyungs at all. Changkyun didn't want them to feel like they were bad to him or anything of the sort though, but he kept his eyes locked on his hands instead of speaking up.

  
The sun was setting and you could see the pink and purple lighting up the sky from outside their living room window, something Kihyun would normally be outside taking pictures of. Changkyun was thankful that he was sacrificing his time for him. He was thankful the others had gathered with him and were willing to listen to what they had to say. "Is this my fault?" Jooheon then said, right after Kihyun's response. It was Changkyun's turn to have widened eyes and he hurriedly shook his head, eyes snapping up and immediately targeting Jooheon.

  
The youngest immediately wanted to reach out to his best friend, to try and convey that 'no, no it's not your fault.' Instead, he rose from his spot in between Kihyun's legs and quickly made his way over to Jooheon, hovering in front of him timidly. "This is not your fault. It's not any of your faults, and it's not mine either. This isn't really something I can help. I don't think anyone would willing choose to have a daddy kink." Changkyun shoved out an airy laugh, the hurt expression that had painted Jooheon's face moments before subsided and a light smile tugged at his lips. He grabbed Changkyun's hand that was resting at his side, pulling the younger into his lap. Changkyun had short legs, everyone knew it, and he was quite angry that he fit completely in Jooheon's lap without having to cramp but was also extremely happy to be there. Loosely he let his left arm slide behind the only slightly older's neck and brought his right hand up to interlace his ten fingers. Burying his face into his hyung's neck, he smiled and pressed a kiss to his clavicle, giggling at Jooheon's chuckle.

  
"Are we all going to be applied to as Daddy, or just the older ones?" This time, it wasn't a question Kihyun could answer. He had spent a long time researching daddy kinks online _-he had stumbled across Monsta X fanfiction at one point and spent 5 hours reading what their fans at written. Turns out Monbebe's were pretty good predictors-_ but this was never a question he had thought about. Now he let it run through his thoughts, different scenarios trickling through the works in his mind.

  
Changkyun himself had never given this question any light, always burying it in the back of his mind and hoping that whoever he was going to label the name with would come naturally, but it was time to discuss it with himself and actually think about what it would be like to call each of them Daddy. Of course, he had thought of calling each of them Daddy in a sexual situation, but not a selective few of them on a regular basis. It seemed nice, getting to call each other them that one word that he hadn't said out loud in years. "All of you. If I'm going to call one of you that, the other five of you are going to be called that as well. Unless it will make you uncomfortable...will it?"

  
Lifting his face from Jooheon's neck, he asked the question Kihyun had been waiting for. Suddenly they were all completely conscious of each other, every breath they took sounded magnified and dense. Every shadow that was cast on each of their faces as the sun continued to lower under the horizon line, lights being neglected. Every short glance, jumping from face to face with hesitance. One by one, their heads began to shake in a disagreeing fashion, letting Changkyun know that this was _okay_.

  
There was that word again. _Okay_. Ok _ay_. Okay. It wasn't so special anymore, and that made Changkyun happy. This was no longer a rare feeling for him. He was okay, and he felt that it was okay that he was feeling okay. It was okay that they were accepting him on a level he hadn't expected them to. It was all okay.

  
_I stayed positive. Are you proud of me?_

  
_'Yes.'_

**Author's Note:**

> ANNNND, that concludes that. I'm actually so fucking proud of this story, holy shit. I spent so much time working on this and it's quite mind boggling that I finished it and am actually satisfied with it. Like I'm always somewhat happy with my works but this one is my new favorite. I'm so happy about it that I will most likely be making a part two for this! It'll contain Changkyun getting the full feels for his other members and trying out the use of the word 'daddy' once or twice (obviously more than that). I don't think I touched on Changkyun/OT7 enough in this (literally it's just Changkyun/Kihyun + Hoseok, I apologize) so the next part will definitely touch on Changkyun and each of the members more.


End file.
